Let’s admit. “It’s okay” actually means “It’s not really okay”
Before starting this, I’ve been thinking about what to write this month. I could write about new things I’ve learned, new goals I’ve set, or some motivational piece on productivitity. But let’s be honest here. What I heard and said the most in the past few month is “It’s okay” However, deep down in my heart, I know things haven’t been the best I wish they were. And I feel rather than saying all the shiny things, let’s have a day of putting out our dirty laundry in the air, and perhaps when the clouds cleared, the sun will shine.
How’s your work going? It’s okay.
To be honest, this might really be the one that’s closest to being “okay” for me right now. I should not be complaining about my job at all. However, there are definitely things I wish could’ve been better.
I wish things are smoother between me and some colleagues. I wish time goes faster and I could gain experiences faster. I wish I don’t have to work from home anymore. At least not every day of the week.
However, we tend to just say “It’s okay.” instead of telling people how we feel to be less of an ungrateful person. I believe in the power of sharing and being vulnerable and I always surprise myself how often people actually open up to you and resonate with how you feel as well.
Rather than throwing rainbows at each other and sugarcoating everything, maybe it’s time to just throw all the trashes out together and clean it all up.
How’s your social life going? It’s okay.
Well, Covid hasn’t made social life easy for anyone. However, for me, it’s more of the fact of being someone who is new to a place for less than half a year and felt like everything is still not there yet. Maybe I’m also slowly realizing how much I suck at being single and alone, how much I crave social interactions, how much I miss my friends back home. Whenever I felt like this, I always wondered what if I never left home, what would my social life be?
I had a call with an old friend, reminiscing the days when I was the “social butterfly” when I was in college. Always running around, meeting new friends and old friends. Scheduling is a pain and I left barely any time for myself. Is it really healthy that way? I don’t think so.
However, now I’m always like a “headless fly” flying around waiting for the next opportunity to meet friends or asking around whoever is available to hang. I felt pathetic sometimes so reliant on my friends and I’m truly sorry. However, my social appetite got so big since college and I found myself never satisfied. Is this feeling healthy? I don’t think so either.
From butterfly to just a fly, I still in the air. Chasing. I wish I found the right balance one day and be happy and satisfied with my social life. Before that, let’s be honest to ourselves and say “it’s not okay” now.
How are your new year's resolutions going? It’s okay.
God, I have to lash out about this one. Especially being the guy who wrote all about it beginning of the year and being “one of those guys” who promotes goals, resolutions, and motivations. I have to shit on myself and be truly honest to you, whoever is kindly reading this.
I set a goal to become a personal trainer and invest in a course to really commit to it. At the beginning of the year, everything is fresh and exciting and I talked to all of my friends about it. To be honest, that is a way of building up a constant reminder around me. However, it backfires because it hasn’t been going so well.
I started slacking off my progress in taking the course. Making excuse for myself to be lazy. Finding some parts of the course less interesting and become less motivated. So when my friends checking-in with me about how the course is going, I would tell them “It’s okay.” But the real thing is it’s not.
I wish I’m that dedicated and disciplined to really stay on track and be a diligent student as I should. However, when my day job makes me tired, I skip. When the weather starts getting better, I skip. When my friends invite me for a dinner together, I skip. I have not been working so hard as I should and I have to admit it. I have to be honest about it, but I have to continue.
After confession, comes progression.
This article is for all the people who want to just dump their trash and felt like it’s okay to be not okay. It’s also a confession piece for me to let these negative feelings go and move on. Life is still hard even though things are looking bright and we might get our “normal life” back. But we’re not there yet and it’s okay to feel you’re not where you’d like to be. So let’s all be honest to ourselves and to our friends. When it’s not okay, don’t say “It’s okay.”
P.s. The amount of times I wrote “To be honest” in this piece shows how honest I am with you.